Thursday, August 02, 2007

Miss Match 8

It's been a while, but I wanted to close the book on the last fella since he provided me with ample material. And I simply couldn't keep this to myself - if nothing else, you can learn from my experience.

I had decided that the "nerd" (and really this is an unfair use of the word: he wasn't really the traditional cute nerd in glasses with the quirky sense of humor I adore) had to go, and given that we had only been on a handful of dates, and that no promises were made, I felt I didn't owe him more than a polite and brief email stating that it wasn't working for me. Well.

I got a diatribe as long as your arm asking how dare I make such a decision for both of us, and insisting that it was my fault that he had grown attached to me in such a short time because of how I had behaved toward him. He said that he wanted to talk to me and that he planned to call me at work, he said, because at least there I would have to answer the phone.

Oh horrors, thought I, I need to nip this in the bud. So I wrote again and said talking would not be constructive and that, in all fairness, I had made my decision for myself and my own happiness alone, and that sooner was really better than later. Well.

This is what I got back recently. If you can even follow the narrative thread, please feel free to let me know. At the very least I can know that I was justified in choosing to cut things short.

Are you ok?? From the accident I mean? I hope you're alright and just your car got messed up.

It's ok I wasn't going to call anyway. After a little more thought I realised I didn't want to after all. Don't worry, although you can see this is a large mail again (sorry, I'll stop, really! :), it won't cost you to read it, I don't want anything from you. You should at least know that I end by wishing you well and that _now_, thanks to your last reply, there are no hard feelings.

Look, I do want more than someone who has no time to spend, but I'm also willing to wait for something right. I know all about timing beleive me. I've missed the boat once or twice myself and only realized it later. I think you are missing the boat right now.
I don't know that you/we're right. I do know I very much want(ed) to find out. I wasn't kidding, I do not get involved easily or lightly. I took a pretty big leap (for me) going after you. I guess for you it wasn't a big deal but it was for me. Like everyone else I've had my bad experiences, and I have a very hard time not turning sour on all women everywhere just because I happen to get hurt almost every time. It gets harder and harder to open up each time, and takes longer and longer for me to get to a point where I'm even slightly fun to be around. I was really pinning some hopes on this. But at least now with this last response you've alleviated some of what I was going through so I'm not nearly as pissed off and frustrated as I was. I thank you immensely for releiving THAT. That 2 line email out of the blue... man that really sucked, I hope you never ever _ever_ do that to anyone else. Losing interest or changing your mind, those are always possibilities everyone is always aware of, but doing it that way was horrible. Maybe guys have done that to you before, but _I_ never have nor ever would. Even if you were to change your mind (again), I don't think I could ever feel safe with someone who did that anyways so don't worry that I'm not letting go or anything. Letting go is one thing that's definitely happened, sadly.

I really wish you would have consulted me if _any_ of what you just claimed about being concerned for my needs was true. I have many hopes and desires and needs, but I don't need anything on any particular time scale. I am _not_ the typical guy. If you're there and just too busy to come out and play all the time, thats actually ok for me. Just knowing you're there is actually worth probably more than anything else. Ultimately/eventually yeah I'd won't us to be together but it's less important exactly when. I'm busy too. It's ridiculous. Since you sent that mail, actually since the day after the fireworks which was already almost a week of no contact by that time, I resumed paying attention to other girls on chemistry and even adultfriendfinder (I'm embarrassed I even made an account there and I only did it a few months ago) and amazingly enough there turn out to be several completely willing, even enthusiastic prospects, and to my consternation, I can't find time to go on dates! I think I have time to _have_ a relationship, but what I don't have time for is _finding and starting_ a relationship. I think, if your availability to me wasn't just a convenient excuse, that you shouldn't have presumed to do all the thinking for both of us about stuff like that. We're in almost the same boat in that reagard and it's just not fair what you did. Unless in reality the decision had nothing to do with me and you just wanted what you wanted. In that case you should have just said that. But in ANY way besides that damned 2 line email. Next time you are in a position to say you are sorry, say it in person, or even on the phone, or even if absolutely necessary in a longer email. Give them any shred of excuse to beleive you actually are sorry. Because that email only said the exact opposite. It said you're not sorry at all and don't care the slightest bit, and never did.

It probably sounds retarded but I do care about you and I hope you didn't get hurt in the accident and that you're going to be ok with car, insurance, money etc..
I'm assuming you're not in the hospital or anything. And to think I was cracking sarcastic jokes to myself back when you were incommunicado about wondering if you were still alive or had an accident, and come to find out you _did_. Saddens me that you didn't want to call me at a time like that but I understand from your point of view I'm still nobody really. But just for the record, far from not being able to meet my needs, it was actually not too early for you to need lean on me. I'd have been there for you.

Anyways, thank you again for reading and acknowledging my last mail. I really didn't expect you to and as I said, it reversed a lot of the really horrible things I was left thinking, and I don't feel really that bad at all now, which is making a night and day difference being able to talk to others. I'm still open to the possibility of us but of course my blind trusting enthusiasm is all gone. It's merely not _impossible_ . Thanks to the fact that you didn't actually end up ending with that 2 line email, I am coming away from this as a positive experience on the whole and on balance I'm happy to have known you. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate.

Take care. and, non-sarcastically, really, sincerely, have a nice life.


Blogger karen said...

It's worth endangering a tree to print that out and burn it. The satisfaction you'll get will vastly outweigh any environmental cost!

8/03/2007 11:22:00 PM  

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