Sunday, February 11, 2007

Can I Be Frank?

Well, actually I want to be Stacey, but I have to say, I am having a bit of a time lately. I vowed to keep my morose ruminations to myself, and I am filled with self-loathing for even mentioning this here - but has anyone out there found themselves drifting away from someone who had previously been a very close friend? I can't be the only one.

Sure, it happens all the time. I've been acutely aware that I was more "into it" than my friend was for a while. What makes it awful is that I don't want to be just casual pals, as he prefers, at least right at the moment. I'm in unrequited friendship! This is just like when you like a person, and they like you, but "not that way." To be fair, my companion is making some changes in his life, and I do wish him well in his endeavors. It just couldn't be worse timed if I am having to scale back my expectations. This has resulted in a somewhat strained nodding acquaintance. I guess we will reconvene and see where we are somewhere down the road, but right now I am not holding my breath.

All you married and committed people have just one more reason to be glad you're not still single, no? I'm sure friendships don't seem as significant if you have a significant other. (Or are they?)

Well, says I, among other things I will have more time to blog. So here's a quiz to see if anybody is reading:

What was the worst friend "breakup" you ever had?


Blogger karen said...

I think freindships outside of my marriage are very important. Chris is mine forever and I love spending time with him...but I'd get pretty sick of anyone if they were the only other person on the planet, you know?

Friend 'break-ups' are hard, because you can't mourn. You do, but nobody really understands why and you feel silly explaining. In recent years, I find myself having more friend hiatuses. A year will go by and it will occur to me that I haven't talked to someone since last time I did [insert annual event here]. When I call, I usually find we're still friends, but there's just no time to have that weekly beer we used to squeeze in (twice a month). I expect my time with my own friends will change drastically in the next year or two. I will get to be better friends with other parents, who I'll be with in hockey stands and at school functions much more often. I will grow farther away from many of my childless friends, or friends who don't live in our town. It's a little sad, but inevitable as the boys are going to have their own agenda and I am first their mom, you know? It's sort of great and awful at the same time. Not exactly the story of my worst friend break-up...more the prediction of my future friendshift, which has already started. Good thing the other hockey moms don't terrify me!

2/11/2007 07:04:00 PM  
Blogger bibliofilly said...

True that! Double true!

I have done a tremendous amount of thinking about adult friendships and reached the conclusion that they can be largely dependent on where you are in life, i.e. what stage. Individuals in any group of friends probably experience major life events at around the same time, and those who don't, adapt or find other groups that are more in line with their current position.

It's not as depressing as it sounds. But speaking as someone for whom friends are a "family of choice," each loss or change is significant.

2/12/2007 09:24:00 AM  

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