Sunday, January 07, 2007

Haiku you

My work comrade Andre (who used to be trapped in the same rabbit warren that I am, but escaped to a different place) occasionally, and with no warning, slips into haiku when chatting by email. What's even more interesting is that I can't help writing them too. I printed and saved several examples and, having found them in a cleaning frenzy brought on by my search for a rap I had written entitled "My Carafe," about a coffee carafe (which I will include later). Now I share them with you.

January 22, 2002
Someone had left a Hostess fruit pie in the common area near the coffeemaker where snacks frequently appeared. We thought it might have been a new hire who was a little tightly wound.

From: Andre
To: Stacey
Subject: OK

what's the story with that opened hostess fruit pie on the fridge?
I am going to eat it if no one claims it. I don't care if it's poisoned or not!

From: Stacey
To: Andre
Re: OK

well, hell, those things have so many chemicals it's doubtful poison would make any difference...go ahead, I dare ya!

From: Andre
To: Stacey
Subject: OK

I can't. I just know it was Maddie who brought it in. She's hoping J. will take it.

From: Stacey
To: Andre
Subject: OK

Wouldn't she pick something more irresistible?

From: Andre
To: Stacey
Subject: OK

probably. This pie is truly a mystery!

Mystery pie
how I long to taste you
in your waxed paper bag

Lightly frosted pastry
surrounds cherry goo
now I am thirsty

Eighteen grams of fat
five grams unsaturated
no wonder it rules

January 23, 2003
There was some idle banter about the sneezings of a coworker. I mentioned a second cup of coffee, and Andre lamented

But isn't the pot empty?

Martin looks sleepy
he fills his coffee stein
empty coffee pot

the pot is empty
the grounds are soggy and beat
time for another

two coffee haikus
about the lack of coffee this a hint?

I rise from my cube
and go toward the coffee
guess I'll get some water

oh! the guilt! I sit
on my lazy ass while
others do the work

February 16, 2005

I had some trouble biting into a nectarine that was probably not really worth it, which led to a discussion of haiku.

Biting into flesh
my athletic nectarine
does not surrender

Haiku is not for
people who like their poems
verbose and languid.

but it follows form...
perhaps you learned from writing
taught by sad haiku.

haiku...poems eat themselves
meta nutrition

March 21, 2005

Once I was so hungry I ate ramen without adding water.

In desperation
I crunch the dry cup noodle
boiling takes too long.

my tongue is numb now
chicken flavor runs riot
now for something sweet!

I can't do haiku.
I can only write verses.
Don't you have duck suace?

Blurgh! That ruins
the simple salty pleasure
in every crunch.

(worst ever haiku written about ramen)
Msg, ms
g, msg, msg.
Msg. Salt, salt!

(second worst)
Soup soup soup soup soup
Soup soup soup soup soup soup soup
Salty noodle soup.


Anonymous dre said...

thank god for haikus
five seven five so simple
no room for bullshit

1/12/2007 10:38:00 AM  
Anonymous sister k said...

that's some major haiku! lol...especially love the soup and ramen ones :)

1/14/2007 01:29:00 PM  

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