Thursday, January 04, 2007

More gems from the moldering pile

This was most likely written when I was hypersensitive to sound, like while I had killer PMS. Or it could have been written yesterday.

Office Pet Peeves

1. The poppy seeds that cling to my "sesame" bagel.
2. The sound of everyone else's keyboard keys.
3. The rustlings, cracklings, and crunchings of various lunches and snacks being opened or re-wrapped. Not to mention the smells.
4. Chit chat.
5. Abrupt laughter.
6. The water pouring into cups and mugs from the water cooler.

Random Lyrics: sung to the tune of "I Love Trash" from Sesame Street (a friend and I made this up while walking the streets of New York. God help us.):


I love phlegm!
I love it in a bowl or a cup
With crackers or croutons on top
with bacon on the side
You can serve it with pride
I love phlegm!
For lunch or dinner or a snack
You can knock it right back
I love phlegm!
In the morning when it's thick

You can eat it with a stick
Quick! bring a stick
I love phlegm!
White or yellow or green
It's a sight to be seen
I love phlegm!
In blobs and globs and clusters
I like it better than custard
I love phlegm!

I'll leave you with another lyric written recently in a fit of burnout.

Stacey's Declaration of Freedom (a twangy two-step rant)

I'm going to turn to a life of crime
I'd like to leave this world behind
I don't wanna see this dingy cube no more

I'll take to the road and rob some banks
I'll spend all day just playing pranks
On the Man and the job that made me into a whore

A whore for the all-mighty dollar
That's what I am and it makes me holler
I sure don't like the way it makes me feel.

I want to be free,
Free as the wind that blows my hair
I want to feel young,
And live a life that's filled with love and fun

I'm gonna walk right out that door
And when I'm gone you won't hear more
So do me a favor and won't you say goodbye

(a suggested final line was "And kiss my ass while you're at it!")

Merry new year!

I am offering you this tidbit of 7 years ago from a tiny pocket journal I found when I was cleaning out my papers in the annual purge.

What I Did for the New Millennium

I rang in the new year alone on the couch, barely awake from drinking Nyquil all afternoon (my only alcoholic toast). I tried to watch the millennium being rung in around the world but kept falling asleep. Paris...London...I missed them all. I heard the sound of fireworks over the harbor and lots of cheering, then fell asleep again. When I awoke at 4 AM it was to the sound of someone being sick in the apartment next door.

Interestingly, the following year I rang in the new year by calling 911. My next-door neighbor's boyfriend stabbed her in a fight.

I miss Staten Island sometimes...