Sunday, June 25, 2006

Pickup lines

I'm skimming Shere Hite's gigantic Women and Love and came across an amusing collection of pickup lines reported to Shere by women on college campuses. Some favorites:

Would you like to see my marble collection?
Would you like some affection?
It's the will of God.
Let's merge.
We can get rid of the sexual tension in our friendship.
I'm (insert age here). Can you believe I'm a virgin?
How do you like your eggs? (True story: Young Scott has a friend who got a tattoo of bacon and eggs on his chest. He shows it to prospective, I mean unwitting, females and asks if they'd like breakfast in bed. No, it's never worked.)
I'm confused about my sexuality. Can you help me figure it out?
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
I like your legs. I'd like them better if they were in the air.
Do you want to get a pizza and have sex? (she refuses) What's the matter, you don't like pizza?
Do you want to have sex? No? Neither do I, let's get it over with.
I'm not wearing underwear.
I think I'm in love - but you'll do for tonight.
My zipper is reaching critical mass.

Did men actually think these would WORK? Astonishing.


Blogger Alec said...

It's critical to your understanding of men to realize that ANY of these lines, spoken by a woman to a college guy would work...except possibly the one about wanting to see his legs in the air...and that one might work if you saved it for the right theatre major.

6/26/2006 09:41:00 AM  
Blogger bibliofilly said...

Now this made me chortle. Probably because I know it's true...

I will work on saying one or two of these with a straight face and see if I can try this out in New Brunswick sometime. I will, of course, report on my findings.

6/27/2006 09:17:00 AM  
Blogger Alec said...

Allow me to recommend the pizza one. Firstly, I would totally go for this (were I not married of course...), and second, I'm curious to learn whether or not you even get to the "What you don't like pizza?" bit...

6/27/2006 09:57:00 PM  

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