Sunday, May 28, 2006

In the Company of Men

My two most recent border skirmishes with members of the opposite sex have been found wanting.

1. I expressed interest in a friend of a friend who was at the same get-together I was. I thought he was interesting and fun. My friend offered to reconnoiter a little for me and see what was up. The fellow, who is actually single and could be considered to be looking for, if not in need of, a girlfriend, declined to comment on my interest. I am told that this young man does go through bouts of withdrawal in which he refuses to see anyone. I am grateful that he is at least able to pull it together enough to go to barbecues with friends, but feel that this may have been a gift - imagine dating someone who periodically becomes a hermit and cannot be coaxed out. The potential for guilt and for wasted time trying to change his mind are immense.

2. A fellow book groupie (we call ourselves "borks" = book + dork) has been trying for some time to get her single former coworker to try dating. She initiated a "drive-by" at his workplace (he is a manager of a retail establishment) whereby she would introduce us on Friday. We met, and he seemed cordial, but aloof, and preoccupied with work, since he would chat briefly, but was busily scanning inventory. Now, on reflection, the workplace is not necessarily a good place for introductions, especially if the would-be suitor is a workaholic, which I am told is one of the reasons he hasn't been dating. But he seemed humorous, and kind, and I agreed with my bork friend that we should try to get him to come out onto neutral turf sometime. I think an
apres-work foursome for a spot of miniature golf, then drinks, would be just the thing.

But why does it seem that all the young men who are single that I have met are not into getting UN-single? I don't view the grumpiness of the first or the aloofness of the second as rejection of me, but as stubbornness that is a coping machanism born of being shy. I refuse to (fully) believe that someone who is my age and never married is single because they are defective. If I believed this, then I would be saying the same of myself, and I know this isn't true. I'm just an old sock who hasn't found the right old shoe.

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